Posted in EMAILED CLASSICS, HOLIDAYS

E-mail Classic: A CHRISTMAS POEM (‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS)

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the town
Not a sign of Baby Jesus was anywhere to be found.
The people were all busy with Christmas time chores
Like decorating, and baking, and shopping in stores.
No one sang “Away in a manger, no crib for a bed”
Instead, they sang of Santa dressed-up in bright red.

Mama watched television, Papa drank from a tap.
As hour upon hour the presents they’d wrap
When … what from the TV did they suddenly hear?
‘Cept an ad … which told of a big sale at Sears.
So away to the mall they all flew like a flash…
Buying things on credit … and others with cash!

And, as they made their way home from their trip to the mall
Did they think about Jesus? Oh, no … not at all.
Their lives were so busy with their Christmas time things
No time to remember Christ Jesus, the King.
There were presents to wrap and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember who died for their sake?

To pray to the Savior … they had no time to stop.
Because they needed more time to “Shop ‘til they dropped!”

From the big stores downtown to the stores at the mall
They would dash away, dash away, and visit them all!
And up on the roof, there arose such a clatter
As Grandpa hung icicle lights up-on his brand new step ladder.
He hung lights that would flash.
He hung lights that would twirl.
Yet, he never once prayed to Jesus…
The Light of the World.

Christ’s eyes … how they twinkle!
Christ’s Spirit … how merry!
Christ’s love … how enormous!
All our burdens … He will carry!
So instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight
Let’s put Christ back in Christmas and enjoy some good nights

 

Posted in EMAILED CLASSICS

Shared E-Mail Classic: “BRUISED APPLES”

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales Convention in Chicago. They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night’s dinner. Well, as such things go, one thing led to another. The sales meeting lasted longer than anticipated. Their flights were scheduled to leave out of Chicago’s O’Hare Airport, and they had to race to the airport.

With tickets in hand, they barged through the terminal to catch their flight back home. In their rush, with tickets and brief-cases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of baskets of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missed boarding. All but one. He paused, took a deep breath and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned. He told his buddies to go on without him and told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight.

Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the floor.
He was glad he did. The 16 year old girl at the apple stand was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her, no one stopping or to care for her plight.

The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them into the baskets, and helped set the display up once more. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket. When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, “Here, please take this $20.00 for the damage we did. Are you okay?”
She nodded through her tears.
He continued on with, “I hope we didn’t spoil your day too badly.”

As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, “Mister ….”
He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes.
She continued, “Are you Jesus?”
He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered.

Then, slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul:
“Are you Jesus?”

Do people mistake you for Jesus? That’s our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life, and grace. If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk, and act as He would. Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church. It’s actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day.

You are the apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked you and me up on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.

And always remember, that we are the only “Jesus” that some people will ever see.

 

Posted in EMAILED CLASSICS, SCHOOL WORK, SUCCESS: NOTES, QUOTES, & FOLKS

E-Mail Classic: “Perspectives”

First read this from the top down and then read it from the bottom  up! This is really neat!

PERSPECTIVES

Today was the absolute worst day ever.

And don’t try to convince me that

There is something good in every day.

Because, when you take a closer look

This world can be a pretty evil place.

Even if

Some goodness does shine through once in a while

Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.

And it’s not true that

It’s all in the mind and heart.

Because

True happiness can be obtained

Only if one’s surroundings are good.

It’s not true that good exists

I’m sure you can agree that

The Reality

Creates

My Attitude

It’s all beyond my control.

And you will never in a million years hear me say that

Today was a good day.


Now read it from the bottom up.

 

Posted in EMAILED CLASSICS

Shared Email Classics: Tons of Puns for Funs

1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was
Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3.
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other:
‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
‘Keep off the Grass.’

15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.
A backward poet writes inverse.

18.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.
In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
‘I’m sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’

23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’
The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
 

Posted in EMAILED CLASSICS

Shared Email Classics: God Bless Mothers Who Drugged Us!

God bless mothers who drugged us!

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ”Why didn’t we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?”

I replied:

I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn’t put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom’s garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad’s fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, the world would be a better place. 

Posted in EMAILED CLASSICS, SUCCESS: NOTES, QUOTES, & FOLKS

Shared E-Mail Classics: Buzzard, Bat, and Bumblebee

Buzzard, Bat, and Bumblebee

If you put a buzzard in a pen six or eight feet square and entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of his ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of ten or twelve feet. Without space to run, as is his habit, he will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.

In many ways, there are lots of people like the buzzard, the bat and the bee. They are struggling about with all their problems and frustrations, not realizing that the answer is right there above them.

Posted in EMAILED CLASSICS, HOLIDAYS

Shared Email Classic: A Christmas Letter Received From Jesus

Dearest Friend,

Hello dear friend! Well, as you know, it’s time for my birthday again. Last year, they had a real big party for me and it seems like they will do it again this year. After all, they’ve been shopping and preparing for it for months now, and there have been announcements and advertisements almost every day about how soon it’s coming! They really do go overboard about it, but it’s nice to know that at least on one day of the year, some people are thinking about me a little.

You know, it’s been many years now since they first started celebrating my birthday. Back then, they seemed to realize and appreciate how much fun it is for the little children. Just the same, it seems that most folks are missing the point of it all.

Like last year, for example:
When my birthday came around, they threw a big party, but can you believe it? I wasn’t even invited! Imagine!
The guest of honor, and they forgot all about me! Here, they had begun preparing for the festivities two months in advance, but when the big day came, I was left out in the cold! Well, it happened so many times in recent years, I wasn’t even surprised. Even though I wasn’t invited, I thought I’d just quietly slip in anyway. So, I came in and stood off to the side.

Everyone was drinking, laughing, and having a grand time, when all of a sudden, in came this fat fellow in a bright red suit, wearing a phony white beard and shouting, “Ho Ho Ho!” He looked like he had more than enough to drink, but he somehow managed to weave his way around the floor while everyone cheered. When he collapsed into a big armchair, all the little children went running over to him excitedly yelling, “Santa! Santa!” I mean, you’d have thought he was the guest of honor and the whole holiday was in his honor!

Then he began telling them the most ridiculous stories you’ve ever heard! That he lived at the North Pole with a crew of dwarfs and that every year on my birthday he rides in his sleigh pulled by a bunch of flying reindeer, delivering presents to children all over the world! I mean there wasn’t a word of truth in anything he said! Imagine telling such poor, little, impressionable kids such far-fetched fables!

Finally, I just had to leave. I walked out of the door, and it was hardly surprising that no one even noticed that I had gone. As I walked down the street afterward, I felt about as lonely and forlorn as a stray dog! I could hardly remember the last time I’d felt that low. Maybe you don’t think I cry … That little manger you had put up in the corner of your living room was really touching! It’s sweet of people to commemorate my birthday like that.

But, did you know that nowadays, in some countries, the authorities won’t even allow manger scenes to be placed in the parks, streets, or public places anymore! Not to mention their schools! And I’m not talking about Communist countries! I’m talking about the USA. Imagine! What could be more innocent than a manger scene to remind people of my birthday? And, yet they ban it!
They’ve actually passed laws against it and made it illegal! What’s this world coming to?

Another thing that amazes me is how, on my birthday, instead of giving me presents, most people give gifts to each other! And, to top it all off, it’s usually all kinds of stuff they don’t even need! Let me ask you, wouldn’t you find it odd, if, when your birthday came along, all your friends decided to celebrate it by giving each other presents and never gave you a thing?

Someone once told me, “Well, it’s because you’re not around like other people are, so how can we give you a present?” You know my answer to that one: Then give gifts of food and clothing to the poor, help those who need it. Go visit the lonely! I said, “Listen, any gift you give to your needy fellowmen, I’ll count as if you gave it to me personally!” (See Matthew 25:34-40)

Well, sad to say, things are getting worse each year. You can just imagine my shock a few years ago when I began seeing them taking my name out of my birthday greeting, and replacing it with an X. What an insult! Think of it! Xmas! What if I wrote you a birthday card and said, “Happy Birthday X!” You’d probably never talk to me again!

It reminds me of what happened recently to a friend of mine, a sweet elderly fellow. He’s from the poorer side of town, and he’s been trying unsuccessfully for years to join the church. But, it was a very exclusive church for the proper kind of folks, and they just did not think he was good enough to be a member. I found him one day sitting by the church steps with his head on his hands bowed, and I asked him what was wrong. He told me about it. I put my arm around his shoulder and told him I knew just how he felt. I’ve been wanting to enter that same church for twenty years and they’ve never let me in either!

Well, there’s an end even to my patience. So, I’m going to let you in on a secret. Now this is something I’ve been planning on doing for quite some time, but the way things are going, I think I’m planning of holding my own party! How about that? It’s going to be the biggest, most fantastic feast you could possibly imagine! It might not happen this year. But I’m sending out the invitations now anyway, because I know you’ll want to come. Some really famous old timers and celebrities are going to be there, and I’ll reserve your seat of honor right with them! (Mat. 8:11)

So, hold onto your hat, because when everything is ready, I’m going to spring it as a big surprise! And a lot of people are going to be left out in the cold because they didn’t answer my invitation. Let me know right away if you’d like to come, and I’ll reserve you a place and write your name in large golden letters in my great big Guest Book!
Much love,
JESUS

 

Posted in EMAILED CLASSICS, QUOTES FOR ALL

Email Classics: “I Said A Prayer For You Today”

I Said A Prayer For You Today

I said a prayer for you today
And I know God must have heard
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word.

I didn’t ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn’t mind)
I asked him to send treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!

I asked that He’d be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And friends to share your way.

I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small,
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all.

Posted in BIBLE STUDY, EMAILED CLASSICS

Shared Email Classic: The Bible in 50 Words!

The Bible in 50 Words!

God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.
 

Posted in BIBLE STUDY, EMAILED CLASSICS, SCHOOL WORK

Shared E-Mail Stories: “Young Boy’s Explanation of God”

This was written by an 8-year-old boy who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to “explain God.”

“One of God’s main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn’t make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn’t have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

God’s second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn’t have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn’t go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad’s head asking for something they said you couldn’t have.

Atheists are people who don’t believe in God. I don’t think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren’t any who come to our church.

Jesus is God’s Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn’t want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn’t know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.

His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn’t have to go out on the road anymore.
He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.

You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.

You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there’s anybody you want to make happy, it’s God!

Don’t skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn’t come out at the beach until noon anyway.

If you don’t believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can’t go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He’s around you when you’re scared, in the dark or when you can’t swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.

But you shouldn’t just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.

And that’s why I believe in God.”